Web-page for Olivia |
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I am grateful to Camiel for taking Charlie with him to the market (and
Alisa to school), for giving me some time to be alone.
I am grateful to Mileva for keeping the house tidy, and for being so
patient with me, and for being busy with the kids all the time.
I am grateful to Nana for making us company, and bringing some new life
and new energy into our house, and for bringing Iris along, a
cousin/friend for Alisa and Charlie - instead of the sister that they
don't have now...
And the spring arrived two months earlier then usual...
I am a bit depressed... I am avoiding people, I don't want to *do*
anything, because I don't want to make any decisions or choices. I am
afraid of doing something for myself; I am feeling guilty for not doing
enough for others.
I had a very short chat with Nana - she asked me if I miss Olivia - and it
started me thinking, which I was trying *not* to do for few days - and
then it all caught up with me, and I was finally able to cry late in the
night in bed...
I've heard the news in the morning: prime-minister of Australia has said
"sorry" to the aboriginals. After the radio played few seconds of
didgeridoo music, and I had to cry - for the Stolen Children, and for the
mankind, I guess...
Ans Bijlmar came to visit (our relationship therapist); and Mireille too
(my colleague and friend). I cried a lot. It felt good to talk to them.
Another good thing was that we had to tidy-up the house for their visit,
so now everything is also looking better. And Mileva took Charlie to Nana,
so I had some time alone with Alisa. I felt like going for a walk around
the block after dinner, and although it was quite cold, it felt good.
I've spend Valentine's Day mostly alone, because Camiel had to bring the
car to get APK (some kind of yearly technical checkup), but I didn't want
to join him, because I wanted to go on with writing & making a web page
for Olivia. Charlie was at Nana's with Mileva; Alisa was in school. And I
was listening to the sad music, to have excuse for crying. We went to pick
up Charlie and then stayed over for dinner, where I could bake some cakes
with Nana in her oven, and have a chat.
Another visit: Sandra and Alex, my colleagues.
I am starting to get a flu, I guess... because the signs are slowly adding
up: painful back & shoulders; tingling in my through; sneezing...
Paul came to visit, in the afternoon. In the morning, I was all alone
again, because Camiel & the kids went to the birthday party, but I was too
ill to join them. Afterwards, Mileva came back after being for few days at
Nana's. We got a taste of how it will be like when we have to take care of
the house and of the kids all by ourselves.
We went to Naarden for a day-trip, because it was sunny. In the afternoon
Bogdan, Nana and Iris came and brought flowers for Olivia.
I've sent a message to all friends, and made a web-page, and a blog entry:
"Remembering Olivia", because it is a month since Olivia was born.
second letter |