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11.2. Monday 

I am grateful to Camiel for taking Charlie with him to the market (and 
Alisa to school), for giving me some time to be alone.

I am grateful to Mileva for keeping the house tidy, and for being so 
patient with me, and for being busy with the kids all the time.

I am grateful to Nana for making us company, and bringing some new life 
and new energy into our house, and for bringing Iris along, a 
cousin/friend for Alisa and Charlie - instead of the sister that they 
don't have now... 

And the spring arrived two months earlier then usual... 

12.2. Tuesday 

I am a bit depressed... I am avoiding people, I don't want to *do* 
anything, because I don't want to make any decisions or choices. I am 
afraid of doing something for myself; I am feeling guilty for not doing 
enough for others. 

I had a very short chat with Nana - she asked me if I miss Olivia - and it 
started me thinking, which I was trying *not* to do for few days - and 
then it all caught up with me, and I was finally able to cry late in the 
night in bed... 

13.2. Wednesday

I've heard the news in the morning: prime-minister of Australia has said 
"sorry" to the aboriginals. After the radio played few seconds of 
didgeridoo music, and I had to cry - for the Stolen Children, and for the 
mankind, I guess...  

Ans Bijlmar came to visit (our relationship therapist); and Mireille too 
(my colleague and friend). I cried a lot. It felt good to talk to them. 

Another good thing was that we had to tidy-up the house for their visit, 
so now everything is also looking better. And Mileva took Charlie to Nana, 
so I had some time alone with Alisa. I felt like going for a walk around 
the block after dinner, and although it was quite cold, it felt good. 

14.2. Thursday

I've spend Valentine's Day mostly alone, because Camiel had to bring the 
car to get APK (some kind of yearly technical checkup), but I didn't want 
to join him, because I wanted to go on with writing & making a web page 
for Olivia. Charlie was at Nana's with Mileva; Alisa was in school. And I 
was listening to the sad music, to have excuse for crying. We went to pick 
up Charlie and then stayed over for dinner, where I could bake some cakes 
with Nana in her oven, and have a chat. 

15.2. Friday

Another visit: Sandra and Alex, my colleagues.

I am starting to get a flu, I guess... because the signs are slowly adding 
up: painful back & shoulders; tingling in my through; sneezing... 

16.2. Saturday

Paul came to visit, in the afternoon. In the morning, I was all alone 
again, because Camiel & the kids went to the birthday party, but I was too 
ill to join them. Afterwards, Mileva came back after being for few days at 
Nana's. We got a taste of how it will be like when we have to take care of 
the house and of the kids all by ourselves. 

17.2. Sunday

We went to Naarden for a day-trip, because it was sunny. In the afternoon 
Bogdan, Nana and Iris came and brought flowers for Olivia. 

I've sent a message to all friends, and made a web-page, and a blog entry:  
"Remembering Olivia", because it is a month since Olivia was born. 


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drugo pismo.