Sunday, 20.1. 

Sylvia took the kids out, for a walk; then she made the arm-bands with 
Alisa, and paper flowers for Olivia. Alisa had the idea to give the 
arm-bands to the children on the ceremony for Olivia. 

Andrei and Alma (with Zana and Noa) came to visit. It ws very good to talk 
to them, first because they are from Bosnia so we could talk in 
Bosnian/Serbian; and then also because they have lost their twins at 
birth, several years ago. I admire them for being brave enough to go on, 
to try again, and to make two beautiful girls since then!! 

What I've heard from Andrei then was that this happens more often then 
people think, but it is (of course) not widely propagated, because doctors 
do not want to scare expecting parents with the stories of dangers, nor of 
death. Yes, it reminded me of my surprise that they have books and 
leaflets printed about it - so it must indeed happen more often. And this 
article says it, too: 
http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVFebMar00p6.html

Andrei and Alma also gave s a book "When a baby dies". When will I be 
strong enough to read this?? 

Jenno (Mr Fabriek) is coming every day to see how is Olivia doing, and if 
the cooling machine is working properly. We asked him if it can be turned 
down a bit, because it is buzzing the whole day and whole night long, and 
cooling down to -25, and I found that to be too cold. So he changed it to 
-5, but it was still as noisy as before. And I thought that Olivia is not 
frozen enough, so we took away the towel that was between her and the 
cooling element. Still, Jenno said she is doing fine... 

Berry came to visit, and he brought Buda statue for Olivia to bring with 
her on her journey. His attitude and his opinion were the most comforting 
and most similar to mine. 

I have emailed all the friends & colleagues.  [link to the first email]
[pismo na srpskom]

We were choosing music... there is a [separate story] about that. 

The nights were the worst... I had so much milk, and the cabbage 
compresses were not enough any more - I had to put cold water on my 
breasts, or ice. And then I realised that it can help to hold Olivia close 
to my breasts -- in the complete reverse order then what I was expecting 
to do: instead of nourishing her with my milk, and her helping me to put 
down the pressure, I was using her frozen body to turn down my milk 
production! Oh, how much I wanted to warm her up to life! I was hoping 
that she will wake up from my tears dripping on her face... but she did 
not...